Reading Group Meeting #1 (Second Look)

 

I will be running a summer/autumn reading group on the new book Look Again. 

We will meet once in August, September and October at Lake Ontario part to read through the book in 3 meetings. This is a book about how our daily routines can impact (for better and worse) are brains and wellbeing. Here the book summary from the publisher’s website:

Have you ever noticed that what is thrilling on Monday tends to become boring on Friday? Even exciting relationships, stimulating jobs, and breathtaking works of art lose their sparkle after a while. People stop noticing what is most wonderful in their own lives. They also stop noticing what is terrible. They get used to dirty air. They stay in abusive relationships. People grow to accept authoritarianism and take foolish risks. They become unconcerned by their own misconduct, blind to inequality, and are more liable to believe misinformation than ever before.

But what if we could find a way to see everything anew? What if you could regain sensitivity, not only to the great things in your life, but also to the terrible things you stopped noticing and so don’t try to change?

Now, neuroscience professor Tali Sharot and Harvard law professor (and presidential advisor) Cass R. Sunstein investigate why we stop noticing both the great and not-so-great things around us and how to “dishabituate” at the office, in the bedroom, at the store, on social media, and in the voting booth. This groundbreaking work, based on decades of research in the psychological and biological sciences, illuminates how we can reignite the sparks of joy, innovate, and recognize where improvements urgently need to be made. The key to this disruption—to seeing, feeling, and noticing again—is change. By temporarily changing your environment, changing the rules, changing the people you interact with—or even just stepping back and imagining change—you regain sensitivity, allowing you to more clearly identify the bad and more deeply appreciate the good.

The first meeting will take place in August, I am posting this early so you have time to order the book (there is no free copy online as it is a new book).

Here is an interview with Sunstein to help you determine if you have an interest in this topic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJlA8bvLT9Y

And a video by Tali Sharot:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTLUEwbhUmM

For the first meeting we will read through the following sections of Part One of the book:

Introduction

Part One: Well-Being

1. Happiness: On Ice Cream, the Midlife Crisis, and Monogamy.

2. Variety: Why You Should Chop Up the Good but Swallow the Bad Whole

3. Social Media: How to Wake Up from a Technology Induced Comma

4. Resilience: A Crucial Ingredient for a Healthy Mind

Book Summary for Part 1

Introduction

The book begins by noting how we habituate to both good and bad experiences, it is part of human nature.  Studies show, for example, that about 43 hours into a tropical vacation people start to habituate and the enjoyment of the vacation starts to diminish.  When stimuli are repeated our response to it becomes dulled.  The book explores how this habituation might be overcome, in the office, bedroom/relationships, etc.  Also, we can habituate to bad experiences (heartache) and this can be a bad thing because it makes us less motivated to change.  The book will explore how we habituate to both the good and the bad, and how to dishabituate.

Note:  habituation is crucial to our survival, helps us adapt quickly to our environment. 

Question #1:  do you think you habituate quickly or slowly to pleasurable/painful experiences?

Chapter 1 Well Being

“Pleasure results from incomplete and intermittent satisfaction of desires” = many of the things that bring us joy in life can only be experienced occasionally, not constantly (otherwise, the joy diminishes through habituation).

Dishabituation:  stay away from the stimuli for a while, so its goodness surprises us again.  This applies to our fav foods, romantic partner, sunshine, work, etc.

Question #2:  What can we, realistically, do to dishabituate, at work, with friends and family and romantic partners?  Maybe you can alter your environment to some degree (e.g. hours of the day devoted to certain types of work, or how much free time you spend together or apart from your partner, etc.).  Some folks might simply keep changing jobs and partners to keep things “fresh and interesting’.  The authors note you might also try changing your thoughts (p. 21):  imagine life without your family or home, etc.

Why do we habituate?  It drives us to move forward to progress (growth!)

Midlife sameness: “when change halts- when you stop learning and progressing- depression kicks in”.

Question #3:  Any thoughts on midlife “sameness”, have you experienced it?  Any potential strategies you have found helpful?  The authors suggest experiences (rather than stuff) helps.  Like learning new skills, vacations, etc.

Habituation seems to be a foil in our romantic lives.  Oscar Wilde says “It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal… Then the excitement is all over.  The very essence of romance is uncertainty.”  Does this mean long-term relationships and romance are contradictory?  That our genuinely romantic connections must be short-lived?  The authors note the work of Ester Perel who addresses this in her Ted Talk

Explorers vs Exploiters

Explores like adventure and novelty, they can be comfy with a high degree of uncertainty.

Exploiters make choices with known benefits – the familiar.  They do not like uncertainty.

Question #4:  Are you more an explorer or exploiter?  You may be a different types in different domains:  when it comes to food and the realm of ideas I am an explorer, but I am more of an exploiter when it comes to my morning routines like exercise.  Sabbaticals help me experience my explore-nature by moving me to a new city / country to teach or research for a few months every so many years.  But for the most part I prefer to stay home with family and doing research/teaching. I may do day outings for a break but I have not done a real “travel vacation” (the closest thing that came to that was nearly 30 years ago for my honeymoon).  I have travelled, but it is always for some work related purpose vs “just for fun”.    How about yourself? 

Chapter Two: Variety

Chop up the good but swallow the bad whole

People often pursue happiness and purpose in life, but often overlook the importance of VARIATION.  Living a life with new experiences- new places, people, experiences, a diversity in what you see and how you feel (“psychologically rich life”)

Question #5:  How would you rank the importance of happiness, meaning and variety?  Have you pursued some of these ends more than others?  Any regrets or lessons learned on your journey so far?

Chapter Three:  Social Media

The authors argue that what really matters about screen time and our wellbeing is not the quantity of time online, but rather than quality of that time.  What kind of information are you consuming?  Is it all negative news stories, or airbrushed celebrity photos or curated FB pictures rather than posts about new scientific discoveries or substantive/novel ideas?

Chapter Four:  Resilience

Resilience is our ability to bounce back after adversity, and there is a large variation in people’s resilience.  The author’s note that rumination – chewing a thought over and over—can lead to depression.  The chapter discusses post-pandemic anxiety, angst experienced by some about returning to “normal life”.

Question #6:  What observations did you make about resilience during the pandemic?  For some people the prolonged isolation and uncertainty was easier than it was for others.  What kinds of factors do you think influenced this (e.g. people living alone vs with family members, or those working remotely or with school aged kids at home, etc.).  How did the experience of pandemic impact your own mental health and wellbeing? 

Cheers, 

Colin